There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.
If you are in the dark, it does not mean that you have failed and that you have taken some terrible misstep. For many years I thought my questions and my doubt and my sense of God's absence were all signs of my lack of faith, but now I know this is the way the life of the spirit goes.