I am not sure at what point I realized that the man whom I had seen as my all-powerful and invincible father not only wanted me as I am, but also needed me to stand by him through the long journey into his own death. My father needed my friendship. It still seems to me to be an astonishing gift of God's grace that in the last years of his life I was able to stand with him as his friend who was his adult child.
When Sarah gathered herself together enough to speak without weeping, she had to ask:
"How did you know my most terrible secret? Is my lack of faith in God so obvious?"
"My lady, I assumed that you would have such thoughts simply because any human being in your position would HAVE to have them. You give no outward sign of it. And it is not lack of faith. You can't stop thoughts like that from entering your head. Faith doesn't mean that you never doubt. Faith only means that you never act upon your doubts."